


Souk Eye

by lilacsphan



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Phase 5, damon albarn personally came to my house and kicked my door down just to tell me, souk eye is the 2doc anthem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-16 21:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16503215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilacsphan/pseuds/lilacsphan
Summary: murdoc’s prison homecoming, but 2D is reluctant for him to return





	Souk Eye

**Author's Note:**

> the title was hell and a half to think of, but yeh. i wrote this before the now now was released lmao

"Oh, 2D, you know you miss him!"

"I do no'!"

I most certainly do not miss him, no matter how much Noodle and Russel try to convince me I do. But with my usually pale face turning pink, the guitarist in question just chuckles and continues to pace. I, however, sit on a bench with my arms crossed.

I don't miss him. Well... maybe I did a little. But that doesn't excuse what he said to me the last time I saw him. He said he was going to jail for smuggling, and that he hoped I would be replaced as well – with _Damon Albarn_  of all people.

But oh, before he'd gone and gotten himself involved with someone like El Mierda, he'd said I could never be replaced.

What a load of shit.

I stand up to use the toilet, taking my time in walking to the bathrooms. After I finish doing whatever, I wash my hands and stare into the mirror. When was the last time I actually smiled, and was genuinely happy? Murdoc had been in jail for the past year, so what was wrong?

What even was genuine happiness? Did cockiness count as happiness, because I sort of smiled in all of the photos when Murdoc happened to be absent. But then again, there are photos where I'm not smiling.

Maybe I do miss the bastard bass player more than I let on. But, I don't understand why. Why do I - of all people - miss him. He doesn't deserve it. Just like he didn't deserve all of the things I've done to him. He didn't deserve all of the cute names and he most certainly didn't deserve me crying over him the first couple months that he was gone.

Why, though, do I let him do this to me? I let him give me a razor with his name carved into it. I let him write love songs, which were about me. I'm confused. Murdoc confuses me.

Why am I still staring into the mirror?

My hair is different. I've changed since Murdoc left. I'm more cocky. Who am I? I may as well go home so he doesn't see me.

Yep, I'm going home. He can't know what I've done in the year he's been gone.

I walk out of the bathroom and head for the entrance, but instead of going home I sit on the curb with my knees bent and my head in my hands. What am I doing?

Three girls and two guys. That's what I did while he was gone. Do I regret it? Yes... and no. What the hell else was I supposed to do for a year? Surely not go without. I am a man who has needs. I couldn't wait. But that doesn't mean even now, I'll go to them if I have problems I need taken care of. Murdoc is back, which is all that matters - unless he's decided that he doesn't want me; that I'm not enough for him.

Wait, why do I care?

Because, 2D, you missed him, whether you care to admit it or not. You missed lying in bed with him and doing whatever, only to pretend that things were normally how they are in public. Since he's been gone, you've been more miserable and changed to hide the fact that you're miserable.

I shake my head of the thought and stand up. Why am I still here? Murdoc will surely be pissed off if he finds out, because I can't trust either Noodle or Russel to not say anything. I basically cheated on him, and now that I think about it, the guilt is eating me alive. I don't want him to see me like this. Hell, I don't want anyone to see me like this.

I could lose him.

Have I already lost him?

I look at my watch; it's almost time for Murdoc's plane to land. I start walking away from the terminal and begin to head for the house. It's not that far of a walk.

Before I can possibly make it a few feet away, I hear someone call out to me. The voice belongs to someone I don't really want to see, so I keep walking. His plane must've landed early. He calls again, but this time I just run. I don't want him to see me.

Damn, I should have thought about this before actually doing it - running is exhausting, and I bet Murdoc could run faster since his legs don't take up most of his height. Nevertheless, I continue to run, despite clearly being out if breath. Ugh, skating is way easier than running.

I fall to the ground, my stamina low, and begin breathing heavily. Murdoc's caught up with me somehow, and as I hear his footsteps draw closer, I pull my knees up and hide my face in them. I feel tears soaking through my jeans... am I crying? Why? Thankfully it's not loud crying, or else Murdoc would suspect something to be wrong.

"M'sorry."

I'm surprised when the words come out of my mouth, pulled together by my accent. What do I have to be sorry for? Oh yeah... I know what.

“For what?"

His voice his next to my ear and I can feel his breath on my neck. "I... don' know," I lie, hoping he'll forget. But what good is hoping if the guilt continues to eat at me. "'m a bad pe'son," I say as I continue to hide my face. By now, my jeans are most likely soaked with tears. I'm just glad he can't figure out that I'm crying; he's never been able to unless I physically show it.

"You couldn't be a bad person even if you tried," he says and I almost want to burst out in a fit of laughter. "Well, I am, an' I don' deserve t'be loved," I reply, almost mumbling. I feel him tense up at my words, and he hugs me tighter. I hadn't realized he was hugging me until now. "What makes you say that?" he asks and it's my turn to become tense.

Murdoc sighs, as if deciding to not ask anymore questions, which makes me shudder as a sob pushes through me. I gasp and start to sob louder. I don't want him to know. I don't want to lose him, but I don't deserve him.

"I... I can' tell you, bu' I wanna so badly. If I do, I'll lose you," I say, and it's funny how just minutes ago, I was saying how I don't miss him. If I don't tell him, I feel guilty. If I tell him, I risk losing him.

Everything I do is making me more confused.

I can't think. Then I blurt out that I cheated on him, and he freezes. That's it. I've lost him. He hates me. I force myself out of his arms and back away from him as I face him. I can't read his expression, but I feel hot tears cascading down my cheeks. What is my facial expression? Surely it's not positive. I may as well quit the band right now.

Murdoc's eyes make their way up to my face and they meet my own, but his face doesn't soften like I'd expect it to. No, it stays the exact same: mouth frozen into a frown and eyes unreadable. I continue to back away, looking behind me only once. Then, he speaks.

"I don't care."

Wait... what? "Wha'?" I question and he nods. "I don't care that you cheated on me. I didn't expect you to go without while I was gone," he explains and that's all it takes for me to run over to him and wrap my arms around him. I don't want to let go. I never want to let him go ever again. He's too important to me.

I feel him hug me back equally as tight and I remember how it felt. He's warm, and now he smells like prison, but that's a smell he can get rid of.

But I don't know if he's being sincere. Would he ever lie to me? I just brush the thought away and close my eyes as I hug him tighter.

**Author's Note:**

> if i get a some sorta laptop for christmas, i will post more because posting from my phone is difficult oof
> 
> until then, i hope this is okay


End file.
